When Universes Collide
by BloodRansom
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if Edward and Eragon met? Or how about the Twins, and Emmett? Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: I figured it might be fun to do a crossover with Twilight and Eragon. I'll see how it turns out, because I haven't tried one this way before, but hey, there's a first time for everything! **** I think I'm going to do it so there's just a bunch of random scenarios, not necessarily in order with either of the stories. Eragon = Book Version. Twilight = Both - Book, and Movie.**

**Take 1:**

**Edward, Bella, Jasper, Emmett, and Alice are in Alegasia. Bella is still human.**

**In Nasuada's conference room thing**

Emmett: Dang! Check it out! We're in a freakin' fantasy world, with dragons, elves, and other crazy things!

Bella: You freak, you're a vampire. It's nothing new.

Nasuada: What the heck are you freaks?

Jasper: Um, she just said. We're vampires.

Eragon: Holy crap! We're all gonna die!!! Save yourselves!!!!

All vampires: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Eragon: Wait, what's a vampire?

Edward: *rolls eyes * We drink your blood.

Eragon: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're gonna DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!! _Adurna!!!_

Alice: This dude is weird. Why is there water floating around in here?

Edward: I believe he said water in Elvish.

Bella: *sappily * Oh Edward!!!! You are so good at understanding random foreign languages!!!

Jasper: Not good enough to read your mind though.

Edward: Don't call her a random foreign language!!!

Emmett: Look!

Everyone, including Nasuada and Eragon: What?!

Emmett: I dunno.

**Take 2**

**On the training field**

**Edward, Alice, Bella, Jasper, Emmett, Eragon, Saphira**

Eragon: Okay, well, I'm guessing you guys haven't done much sword fighting?

Emmett: I have. Lots of it. I've killed so many people, it's not even funny.

Alice: Idiot. You only play violent games on the Wii. If you didn't drink blood, it would scare you.

Bella: Look! This piece of shiny metal looks like you Edward! It's shiny! Ooooh, it's SHARP too!!!

Edward: Bella, love, I'm sparkly, not shiny. *Does a double-take * NOOOO!!!!!!!

Jasper: *lunges at Bella and eats her *

All Vampires: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Eragon: What a nice guy.

Alice: Spit her out! Spit her out! SPIT HER OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jasper: Why?

Emmett: Hahahahaha, Edward, I didn't know vampires could turn red!

Alice: Because Edward is going to eat you!!!!!

Eragon: Should I call my dragon?

Emmett: DRAGON!!!! OOOOOOH!!!!!

Edward: *O.o * Why?

Eragon: To save your friend!

Alice: Jasper!!!! Spit her out!!!!!

Bella: *from inside Jasper * Dude!!! Edward, I looooove yooouuuuu!!!!!!

Edward: Hold on! Don't die! Oh no! If she dies, I'll have to go commit suicide!

Eragon: Would my dragon's fire help?

Edward: Yes! Fire!!!!!

Eragon: Saphira!!!!!!

Saphira: *In everyone's head * I'm here! What seems to be the problem?

Eragon: You need to incinerate Edward here. He wants to commit suicide.

Jasper: Fine! I'll spit her out! *coughing and gagging *

Emmett: Eeeeeyeeeeeew.

*Jasper spits Bella out *

Edward: Nevermind! I don't want to die anymore!

Alice: Yay! Good job, Jasper!!!

Jasper: Now I'm hungry. So hungry I could eat a dragon. *Sees Saphira * Hey!

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Take 3**

**In the twins' lair**

**Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, the Twins**

Emmett: This is intense. You two look exactly like each other! *Does classic Loony Tunes cartoon thing, looking from one to the other extremely quickly *

Twin 1: Yeah, we get that a lot. **(A/N maybe I should do an interview with the Twins! Will decide later)**

Twin 2: *nods * A lot.

Emmett: I wish I had a twin. Then there would be, like, TWO of me!!!!!

Jasper: *facepalm *

Rosalie: *looks horrified * No, I'm very glad there's only one of you.

Bella: Amen. I don't think we could handle two of this guy."

Twin 1: *looking bored * Well, anyway…

Twin 2: Shall we…

Twin 1: Show you…

Twin 2: Some magic?

Emmett: MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edward: *Worriedly * Will it hurt Bella?

Twin 1: No, it shouldn't…

Twin 2: Shouldn't hurt a bit.

Twin 1: I hope…

Twin 2: Just kidding! It'll be fine. Juuuust fiiine!!!

Alice: Let me check. *Checks the future * Yeah, all clear. She'll be fine, Edward.

Emmett: See Eddie-boy? It's gonna be great!

Edward: Do. Not. Call. Me. EDDIE-BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emmett: Okay, fine, Ed-sterz.

Edward: Or that.

Alice: Emmett, the future isn't lookin' too bright for you if you keep that up…

Emmett: Fine. I'll just call you Rainbow-Sunshine-Twinkle-Toes-The-Gay-Unicorn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Falls on the ground laughing *

Twin 1: This will be interesting…

Twin 2: To see his reaction.

Edward: You did NOT just call me that.

Emmett: Hey Rainbow-Sunshine-Twinkle-Toes-The-Gay-Unicorn, your face is red, and there's steam coming out of you ears!!!!! *Continues rolling on the floor laughing *

Alice: Emmett…

Emmett: What's up, chicken butt?

Alice: *Growls *

Jasper: Emmett…

Emmett: Jasper! You're so beautiful!

Jasper: *Growls *

Bella: Emmett…

Emmett: *Happily * BELLA!!!!!! Your boyfriend is a gay unicorn!

Bella: *Growls *

Emmett: That doesn't work too well for humans, hun.

Edward: *Continues to grow redder and more scary-looking by the second.

Rosalie: Emmett…

Emmett: Yes, my dear sweet pumpkin-poo?

Twin 1: What an odd way of addressing the object of his affection.

Twin 2: Agreed.

Rosalie: I think you're getting yourself in trouble.

Emmett: How?

Rosalie: How about you just shut up. That might help. Don't you want to see the magic?

Emmett: MAGIC!!!!!!! Rainbow-Sunshine-Twinkle-Toes-The-Gay-Unicorn, do you want to see the magic?

Edward: *eats Emmett *

Rosalie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All other vampires, and Bella: !!!!!!!!!!!

Twins: How very odd.


	2. Chapter 2

Take 4

**Eragon, Emmett, Saphira, and Edward and Jasper in the beginning**

**Eragon and Saphira have taken Emmett flying**

Edward: *before they leave * Are you completely sure you want to take Emmett?

Jasper: Yeah…that might not be the best idea…

Emmett: You retards are just saying that 'cause you're JEALOUS! I get to go on a dragon ride, and YOU DON'T!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *dances around, in a chicken-like fashion *

Edward and Jasper: *roll eyes * Wow.

Eragon: I'm sure it'll be fine. We won't let him fall.

Saphira: In everyone's heads * No, I have never let anyone fall before. Of course, Eragon HAS jumped before, but I believe we can probably trust Emmett to behave himself in that regard.

Jasper: You hope.

Edward: Yeah, don't count on it.

Emmett: CAW! I'm a birdie!!! CAW CAW!!!

Edward: What. The. Heck.

Jasper: Ditto.

Eragon: *Reassuring himself * No, I'm sure it'll be just fine…

Jasper: Yeah, you just keep on telling yourself that.

Emmett: OMG. OMG. Oh-Em-GEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look! LOOK! LOOKLOOKLOOK!!!!!!!!!

Eragon: At what?!

Emmett: MEEE!!!!!!!!!!! *More crazy dancing. *

Edward: Well, good luck

Jasper: See ya.

*They leave *

Eragon: Ok then…Emmett?

Emmett: *Disco dancing * Oh, yeah, ba-bay! Uh huh!!! Woohoo!!!!!! *Continues to dance like a maniac *

Eragon: …um, Emmett? Emmett? Hello?

Emmett: Yeah, what's crackin', pretty boy? *continues weird dance moves *

Eragon: Um…

Saphira: *In Emmett's head * EMMETT!!!!!

Emmett: *stopping mid-dance move, and looking scared * Yes?

Eragon: Don't you want to go flying?

Emmett: Yeah. DUH! *Snaps three times in a zig-zag motion *

Eragon: *Sighing * Okay, get on Saphira's back.

Emmett: Okie dokie, aritichoke-ey!!!!!!! Heehee!!!!! *Clambers on her back *

*Eragon follows suit *

Eragon: Okay, Saphira, let's show him what Dragon riders do!!!

*Saphira gets ready to take off, and Emmett begins screaming out of sheer terror *

Emmett: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!! I'm onna DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eragon: Emmett, we haven't even taken off yet.

Emmett: *O.o * …Oh. Right. I knew that. I was just getting warmed up.

Eragon: Okay, GO Saphira!!!

*Saphira takes off. Emmett starts screaming louder than before *

Emmett: HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!! I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die!!!!!!! *He whimpers and scrunches his eyes shut *

*After a few minutes *

Eragon: Hey, Emmett, open your eyes!

Emmett: Uh-uh!

Eragon: Why not?

Emmett: Not gonna do it.

Eragon: Come on, the view is amazing!

Emmett: Nope.

Eragon: Look!

Emmett: *Opening his eyes * Where?

Eragon: Oh, just a bird.

Emmett: Oh, okay. *Looks down * OHMIGOSH!!!!!!!! We're so…high! *Gets woozy, and starts to slip *

Eragon: *Stables Emmett and keeps him from falling * Easy, there.

Emmett: Whoa…my head is so light! Heehee. Butterflies!

Eragon: Are you alright?

Emmett: Oh, yeah, just great…wow. Look! A flying sea horse! With six eyes!

Eragon: Are you sure you're alright???

Emmett: Hahaha, yeah! Just feeling a little-- *pukes * sick, hehe.

Saphira: *In their heads * I hope you two are planning on cleaning that up when we land.

Eragon: Of course, Saphira.

Emmett: *Getting used to the height, and starting to bounce up and down * Heehee! This is actually kinda FUN!!! Heehee!!!!!

Eragon: Emmett, you may want to quiet down…

Saphira: *In their heads * It's alright for now. Don't worry.

Emmett: Wheeeee! *Starts making airplane noises *

Eragon: *Rolls his eyes *

Emmett: *Starts to stand up * Muahahaha!!!!!!!! I am the king of the whole freakin' WORLD!!!!!!! Look at me, everyone!!!!!!!!! Heehee!!!

Eragon: Emmett! Sit down! You'll fall!

Emmett: I never fall, I'm the king of the world!!!

Eragon: Emmett, I'm serious…It's a long way down!

Emmett: Hahahaha, whatever, dude! I'm doing GREAT! Look at me, everyone, look at-- *falls off Saphira * Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Thud * *From waaaaaaay down on the ground * Hahahaha, that was GREAT!!!!!!!!

Eragon: Alrighty then…

***A/N Okay, I know this one was kind of short, but I didn't really want to think of another take right now…and I think this one is fine on it's own. **

**Review = Waffles. Blueberry Waffles. Heck yes.**


	3. Chapter 3

Take 5

**The Twins, Vladimir, and Stefan (The Romanian vampires)**

**Outside, in some random field**

Stefan: Vladimir?

Vladimir: Yes, Stefan?  
Stefan: Those two look remarkably similar, wouldn't you agree?  
Vladimir: Yes, I would have to agree. Remarkable.

Twin 1: We get that a lot.

Twin 2: A LOT.

*Both Twins nod heads rapidly *

Vladimir: I apologize, then, if it irritates you.

Stefan: As do I. We do so hate to be rude.

Vladimir: Unless it is directed at the Volturi.

Stefan: We HATE the Volturi.

Vladimir: Yes, yes indeed. Very much.

Twin 1: Why is that?  
Vladimir: Because they overthrew us from our illustrious throne, that we held for several centuries, and now THEY think THEY are the rulers of the vampire world.

Stefan: At least we never hid what we are. They sit there, without any human knowing the danger present in Volterra.

Vladimir: *Hisses * Yes, and we were much better rulers. Much more feared. They are partial, and inconsistent.

Stefan: I find them repulsive.

Vladimir: As do I.

Twin 1: I can see that. They do seem to be a bad sort.

Twin 2: Quite.

Stefan: Yes. That is most definitely true.

Twin 1: What exactly do they do? Why do you need rulers?  
Twin 2: To measure things.

Twin 1: Yes, that's true too, but why do you need them to rule over the vampires?

Vladimir: Because some vampires tend to be stupid and let themselves be known for what they are. If we were still ruling, secrecy would not be a requirement for our existence.

*Emmett shows up *

Twin 1: Crap.

Twin 2: Double crap.

Vladimir: I see you have had the pleasure of meeting the Cullens?

Stefan: A lovely family they are…especially dear Carlisle.

Emmett: HI GUYS!!!!!! What's going on?

Twin 1: We were having a serious discussion as to the rule of the vampire kingdom.

Twin 2: Yes, and measuring things.

Twin 1: Yes, that too.

Emmett: Well, I'm the king of the world, so does that make me the ruler of the vampire kingdom?  
Twin 2: Only if you are accurate.

Vladimir: Emmett, you are not the king of the world. That is Aro Volturi.

Emmett: I'm Aro's boss. I boss him around. That's why he picks on Bella!

Stefan: I see. You are so very kind to your sister.

Emmett: Haha, I know, right?

Twin 1: Would you like to join our previous conversation?

Twin 2: About measuring things?

Emmett: Sure!!! What do we measure things with?  
Twin 2: A ruler.

Vladimir: I believe you missed the point of the entire conversation if that is what you got out of it.

Stefan: Agreed. It had nothing to do with the measurement of the vampire kingdom.

Twin 1: I knew that. He didn't.

Twin 2: …Oh.

Emmett: So…what are we gonna measure?

Vladimir: Nothing. We are measuring nothing.

Stefan: Merely a misunderstanding/

Emmett: How do you measure a misunderstanding?

Vladimir: You don't.

Stefan: Precisely.

Emmett: How do you do that precisely? With a ruler?

Twin 2: Yes!

Emmett: YAY!!!!! Where do we find one?

Twin 2: Apparently, Vladimir and Stefan were once rulers.

Emmett: Okie dokie then! *Picks Vladimir and Stefan up in his arms * Let's go measure the vampire kingdom.

Vladimir: This is something I have never experienced in my long lifetime.

Stefan: Yes, it has never happened to me either.

Twin 1: Well, I don't think that was the point of this.

Twin 2: I find it amusing.

Twin 1: I know that.

Emmett: *In the distance * Okay, lay straight on the ground, like that. No, not like THAT, like THAT!!! Okay, now you get up, and lay there. No, not there, THERE.

*Edward and Jasper appear *

Edward and Jasper: *Facepalm *

**A/N Review = More Waffles. Maybe chocolate chip waffles this time.** **Haha, but seriously. If you like it, let me know. I don't just do this for my own pleasure, though it is fun to write.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Okay, so I need some more ideas. I have a few, but they won't last forever. If you read this and like it, let me know, and give me some ideas for scenarios.**

**Take 6**

**Aro, Edward, Durza, Emmett, and Jacob. They are in Volterra. **

Aro: Welcome to my humble abode!

Edward: Not again!

Jacob: Wasn't this where you, Alice, and Bella almost died?

Edward: Yep. Did you need to remind me? Now we're stuck here forEVER and we'll all die. The end.

Aro: Don't be so gloomy!

Durza: I find it a very nice palace, though I adore my city.

Emmett: Blah, blah, blah. Lalalala!!!!!

Jacob: What the heck are you doing, Emmett?

Emmett: Singing. Beautifully. Would you not agree?

Edward: I suppose I would agree…

Jacob: Really?

Edward: No.

Durza: Shut up! I said shut up!

Jacob: Sorry…

Durza: Oh, no, it's quite al right.

Jacob: …Alrighty then…

Durza: I said shut up!!!!!!

Jacob: Geez, I already said I was sorry!!!

Durza: No, it's quite alright.

Jacob: Wow.

Aro: *reaching hand out to Durza to touch him * Durza?

Durza: **SHUT UP!!!!!! I SWEAR, I WILL MURDER YOU ALL IN COLD BLOOD AND NOT EVEN BLINK!!!!!!!**

Jacob: This dude is beyond weird.

Edward: *holds head in hands and groans * Aaaaarrrrggggg!!!!!!

Emmett: *Giggles * Heehee.

Durza: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! Stop it!!!!!!!!

Jacob: Er, I think I'm outta here…

Aro: *After touching Durza * No, I think he's just schizophrenic. It'll be alright. Eeyeew. By the way, has anyone ever told you, you _stink_ beyond belief?

Jacob: So I've heard…and you're sure he won't, like, try to kill us?

Durza: I apologize. They are quite annoying at times.

Emmett: Who are?

Durza: The _voices_.

Emmett: You hear _voices_??? That's so tight!

Edward: *Sighs in relief * Ah, much better.

Jacob: They're being quiet now?  
Edward: For the most part.

Jacob: Good.

Emmett: I wish _I_ had voices in my head!

Edward, Aro, and Durza: No, you don't.

Emmett: Yes. I do.

Durza: I really don't think you would enjoy it.

Edward: It's sheer torture at times.

Aro: I agree. At least I don't have to know everyone's thoughts.

Durza: I only hear the voices.

Edward: I hear _everyone's_ voices.

Jacob: I feel so left out.

Emmett: I'm with ya, brother.

Jacob: Since when are we brothers?

Emmett: Oh, right. You're, like, my _nephew-in-law_!!!!!

Jacob: What the frick?

Emmett: Oh…right. *Whispers * Bella hasn't had Renesmee yet.

Jacob: Who the heck is Renesmee???

Emmett: No one…important…right now…anyway.

Jacob: Whatever. Maybe you _do_ have your own voices. Once again, I feel left out.

Edward: Yeah, you've been left out of the crazy club. How depressing.

Jacob: *Sniffling * Well, I don't like to be excluded.

Durza: I said SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! …Wait, what was that? Really? *Nods, as if to self * I see. Yes, I do. Dummy. You are the retard here. No, that was your idea. So was that one. Yes, I do recall that. And that was your idea as well. No, _that_ one was my idea. Yes, I know, it was a rather good idea, wasn't it?

Edward, Jacob, Emmett, and Aro: *Stare at Durza with wide eyes, and open mouths * What. The. Heck.

Durza: *Continues rambling * Yes. I agree! Oh, yes, we _should_ make cookies tonight!!!! Hmm…no, I doubt that the Vampires like them, but I'm positive that the werewolf will. Of course! Everyone likes them!!!! *Grins widely *

Edward: Well, he seems to have gotten over his little disagreement with the voices.

Emmett: See? That's why I want some.

Jacob: I still don't see why, Emmett.

Emmett: Because of the conversations you can have with them!!!

Aro: Hm. Emmett McCarthy Cullen, you officially an odd Vampire. *Claps hands * Gianna!

Gianna: *Comes running * Yes, master?

Aro: Record what I am about to say.

Gianna: *Grabs huge book out of nowhere * Yes, master.

Aro: Emmett McCarthy Cullen is officially a strange Vampire.

Gianna: Is that all, master?

Aro: Yes. Now, what are you doing standing around? Get back to work, slave!

Gianna: Yes master! *Runs off toward the office *

Emmett: I wish I had a slave.

Jacob: So do you want voices, or a slave?

Emmett: Both!!!

Edward: You can't just be happy with one?  
Emmett: Why, could you get me one?

Jacob: Isn't Rosalie kinda your love-slave? Or is it the other way around?

Emmett: Are you questioning my manhood?

Durza: *Grins * Heehee.

Aro: Hehe.

Edward: Ooooh, you asked for it, Jacob!

Jacob: No, I'm questioning Rosalie's.

Edward: Oooooh, burn!

Durza: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!!!!!!!

Aro: Calm down.

Edward: Wow. They have some crazy ideas.

Durza: Sometimes they're funny, but today, they're getting on my nerves.

Emmett: I still want voices.

Edward and Jacob: *facepalm *

**A/N Ok, I really do love Edward, Emmett, Jacob, Aro, and Durza…they're just so much fun to make fun of! Especially Durza. After all, he's possessed with spirits, which is where I got the idea of him being a bit of a schizo. Let me know what you think!!!!**

**Review = S'Mores. With peanut butter, if ya like it that way ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: In the last take, I said Emmett's last name was McCarthy. I'd like to apologize for that; it's actually McCarty. Take 7

**At the Cullen's house, in Forks, WA**

**Carlisle, Angela (from Eragon), Emmett, and Edward**

Angela: So you two are doctors?

Edward: No, only my father. I can't stand the sight of blood.

Emmett: That's a lie, my home-skillet-biscuit.

Edward: You are very weird. I don't blame Aro for recording that in the record.

Angela: Well, so which one of you is the doctor?

Emmett: That would be me.

Carlisle: No, that would be _me_.

Angela: Oh, ok. So do you like toads? Or should I say, frogs?

Edward: Yuck.

Emmett: Do they taste good?

Carlisle:…What do frogs have to do with this?

Angela: I don't know.

Edward: You are nearly as random as Emmett.

Emmett: I'm not random. I wish I could eat cookies. Humans seem to enjoy them so much!

Edward and Carlisle: *Raise eyebrows *

Emmett: What?

Angela: *Laughs * You are a funny one.

Edward: You wouldn't say that if you had to live with him. I don't know how Rose puts up with it.

Emmett: Oh, I have my ways… *Wiggles eyebrows *

Edward: Ah! Bad mental image, Emmett! I did _not_ need that.

Carlisle: I don't even want to know.

Angela: What just happened?

Carlisle: Edward can read minds.

Angela: Oh, I see…and I can see why that would give you a bad image…haha.

Edward: *Grimacing * Yes. Terrible. Ick.

Emmett: *Giggles hysterically * And that wasn't even that bad!

Edward: Agh! Gah! No! Yuck, yuck, yuck! Get out of my head, you pervert!!!!

Carlisle: Edward, now you're putting them in _my_ head! Stop saying those things!

Angela: Wow. So do you know any magic?

Emmett: Magic? The Twins never showed me. SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME!!!!!!!!!

Angela: I guess not, eh?

Carlisle: No, I didn't realize it existed.

Angela: Well, I didn't realize Vampires existed. We learn something new everyday, don't we?

Carlisle: Yes! Isn't life wonderful?

Angela: Yes, very much so!

Emmett: *Yawn *

Edward: Emmett, grow up.

Emmett: Is this better? *Wiggles eyebrows again *

Edward: Crap! No, not that!!! ARGH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!

Emmett: You sound like Durza now! Do you have voices?

Edward: At this moment, I think that would be preferable!

Emmett: Hahahaha!!!!!!

Carlisle: Will you two grow up?

Edward: NOOOO!!!!!!! DON'T SAY THAT!!!!!! ARGH STOP IT EMMETT!!!!!!

Emmett: Why? *Grins innocently *

Angela: Okay, I can see how he would get annoying. Emmett, stop, or I will turn you into a TOAD! Er, I mean, frog.

Emmett: You could do that?

Angela: It would take some work, but yes. And I'm sure I could enlist Eragon's, or Arya's help.

Edward: Hmm…

Carlisle: Edward, I don't need to be a mind reader to know what you're thinking, and to know Rose would not appreciate it.

Edward: Dang it.

Emmett: What did I miss?

Edward: Nothing.

Emmett: Okay. Hey, who wants to hear me sing?

Angela: I'm not sure. Do I?

Emmett: Heck yes!

Angela: …Okay…

Emmett: Don't stop, make it pop, DJ blow my speakers up! Tonight, I'mma fight, till we see the sunlight! Tik tok, on the clock, but the party don't stop, no! Whoa-oa-oa-oa!

Edward: Emmett.

Emmett: Yep?

Edward: Shut it.

Emmett: Why? You jealous of my mad singing skills?

Edward: No, just irritated that you insist on using them in my presence,

Emmett: What's new, pussycat? Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa!!!! What's new pussycat? Whao-oa-oa— *Stopped suddenly *

Edward: *Gets up * Shut up, retard.

Emmett: *Whimpers * What was that for?

Edward: You didn't shut up.

Emmett: *Wails * Daa-aad! He pushed me!

Edward: Cause he wouldn't shut up!

Emmett: He pushed me, dad!!!!

Edward: Cause he was bugging me!!!

Emmett: Daa-aad!

Carlisle: Come on, you guys. Edward, don't push your brother. Emmett, don't let him get to you.

Edward: But dad!

Carlisle: Edward. You are over one hundred years old. ACT YOUR AGE.

Angela: Haha, really? It seems I'm not the only young-looking old person around here.

Emmett: Carlisle's a freakin' ancient BEAST, man!

Carlisle: Emmett, couldn't you address me with a little more respect?

Emmett: Nope!

Edward: *Rolls eyes * Geez.

Angela: Alrighty then. Who wants to see some magic?

Emmett: MEMEMEMEME!!!!!! I do!!!! I've been waiting forEVER!!!

Angela: Okay, here we go… *Speaks in Ancient Language *

Emmett: *Finds he can't open his mouth or talk *

Carlisle: Finally. Peace and quiet. Thank you, Angela.

Edward: *Grimaces * Only for you. Shut up, Emmett.

Emmett: *Humming *

Edward: *Groans * Argh,

**A/N: Singsong voice Review, review, review! I love reviews! Sorry this one was a bit shorter than the others, but I couldn't drag it out. Ideas needed!!!**


	6. Chapter 6

Take 8

**This is a chat room. Emmett named everyone.**

**Bella: Fell4U**

**Emmett: OhGr8t1**

**Jasper: SouljaBoi**

**Edward: The1WhoThinksHe'sAllThat**

**Alice: Shopaholic**

**Rosalie: SexyChica**

**Eragon: TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon  
**

*OhGr81 has come online *

*TheOneWhoThinksHe'sAllThat has come online *

*SouljaBOi has come online *

*Shopaholic has come online *

*Fell4U has come online *

*TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon has come online *

OhGr81: OMG. I luv these things.

The1WhoThinksHe'sAllThat: Emmett, why did you name me this?

OhGr81: Cuz I felt like it. Duh!

SouljaBoi: And why am I a rapper?

OhGr81: It just works, ok?

Shopaholic: I think mine works, don't you?

OhGr81: Heck yes! That's y that's ur name!

TheOneWhoThinksHe'sAllThat: Please rephrase.

Fell4U: Edward, that's IM speak.

TheOneWhoThinksHe'sAllThat: I am?

Shopaholic: Instant messaging, Edward.

TheOneWhoThinksHe'sAllThat: Ah, I see…I think.

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: I

OhGr81: ?

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: am

TheOneWhoThinksHe'sAllThat: Yes, Eragon?

Fell4U: He doesn't know how to type. This is his first time on a computer.

TheOneWhoThinksHe'sAllThat: I can go help him.

OhGr81: Good idea, Eddie-boi.

*TheOneWhoThinksHe'sAllThat has gone offline *

*SexyChica has come online *

OhGr81: My Sexy Chica!

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Alright, this is both Eragon and me.

Fell4U: ok

SexyChica: Emmett! My love!

OhGr81: My beautiful!

SexyChica: My amazing lover-boy!

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Ok, ok, enough already! Bad mental image!

Shopaholic: Is that Edwawrd or Eragon?

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Both.

OhGr81: I 3 u!

Shopaholic: You are so weird.

SexyChica: I 3 u 2!!!

*OhGr1 has gone offline *

*SexyChica has gone offline *

Fell4U: I don't think we want to know what they're up to.

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: No, I don't think you do.

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Me

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Neither

SouljaBoi: It's like you guys are shizophrenic

Fell4U: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Edward already hears voices!

Shopaholic: XD

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: What?

SouljaBoi: See, you guys are typing from the same account, so it's like you're schizophrenic

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Who?

Shopaholic: You

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: What are you talking about?

Fell4U: Edward?

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Yes?

Fell4U: Isn't Eragon still there?

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Yes.

SouljaBoi: Then why are you being weird?

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: We're not!

Shopaholic: Maybe it's glitching.

SouljaBoi: That could be.

Fell4U: So who knows computers, cuz Edward is obviously stuck in the stone age when it comes to technology.

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Am not!

Shopaholic: Yes you are. You came to me yesterday wondering what the "thing in the kitchen" was.

SouljaBoi: What was it?

Shopaholic: A microwave.

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: I don't use those! How am I supposed to know what they are?!

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: What's a microwave?

Fell4U: Really, Edward?

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: I said the first thing, he said the second.

SouljaBoi: So who's talking?

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Me!

Shopaholic: Umm…ok

*OHGr81 has come online *

*SexyChica has come online *

SouljaBoi: Welcome back

Shopaholic: From ur adventure

Fell4U: Ew.

Shopaholic: I suddenly have the urge to go shopping. Who wants to come?

OhGr81: MEMEMEMEMEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO I DO I DO!!!!!!!!!

SexyChica: I do!

SouljaBoi: Count me out.

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Us, as well.

SopuljaBoi: You really sound schizo when you do that

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Do what?

SouljaBoi: Nvm

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: What?

SouljaBoi: NEVERMIND!!!!!!

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Fine, then. Be that way.

SouljaBoi: That's what it means.

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: I am still confused. I don't like feeling this way. I am not accustomed to it.

Shopaholic: Bella, you need to come!

Fell4U: No thanks, Alice….I'm…um…

Shopaholic: Coming!

Fell4U: No, I'm NOT!!!

SexyChica: But Bella! We need to go hit Victoria's Secret!

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Haha, do it!

OhGr81: DOOOOOIIIIIIT!!!!!

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: What?

SouljaBoi: nvm

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: I'll drop it.

Shopaholic: Come on, Bella!!!

SexyChica: You know you want to!!!!

Fell4U: No, I don't think so.

SouljaBoi: Bella you have to go.

Fell4U: Jasper, you're on their side?!

SouljaBoi: Yeah, they're crying. It hurts. I'm gonna go emo if you don't go!!!!!!

*SouljaBoi has gone offline *

Shopaholic: Bella! Jasper is trying to CUT HIMSELF NOW!!!!!! And it's all your fault!!!

OhGr81: Will there be blood?

Fell4U: What?

OhGr81: Idk, my bff Thomas Edison

SexyChica: Emmett, have you been watching commercials again? And anyway, that's not how it goes.

OhGr81: Look at me, then back at ur man!

Fell4U: I think that one's wrong too.

Shopaholic: BELLAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! I'm picking you up. NAO!!!!!

*Shopaholic has gone offline *

Fell4U: Oh, crap. ttyl, guys

*Fell4U has gone offline *

SexyChica: I'll ttyl too. Shopping, here I come!

*SexyChica has gone offline *

OhGr81: Hey Edward

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Yes?

OhGr81: Hey Eragon

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Yes?

OhGr81: That's funny!!! You wanna hear a sick joke?

TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon: Nope

*TheDudeWhoDrivesADragon has gone offline *

OhGr81: Dude. Everyone's gone. I'm all alone. =( I has a sad.

*OhGr81 has gone offline *

**A/N: Okay, I know these aren't that original, but I wanted to do it. I may do some more of these. They're a lot of fun.**

**Review = Pancakes.**


	7. Chapter 7

Take 9

**(A/N) Sorry, you guys…I went to Mexico on a mission trip, and than got really, really, really busy with Chemistry. But I'm gonna try to do better!**

**Emmett has taught Eragon some slang…it's a bit of a set-up for a fanfic my brother and I are gonna start soon. Eragon has some interesting favorite terms**

**Eragon asked Emmett what he does for fun. Emmett's response?**

Emmett: Well, I do a lot of things for fun…but I doubt you want to go hunting with me, and I'm _not_ sharing Rosalie…SOO we could either play checkers, or we could prank call people. But I want you to use your new vocabulary that I taught you. *Winks *

Eragon: Dude, prank calling? **(A/N The Vamps installed phones in Nasuada's camp…or something like that. I don't know…But they have phones now, ok?)** Sweet!

Emmett: *Claps hands * Yay!!! I love prank calling!!!!! *Grabs phone and looks at it * Who should we call first? Hmmm…oh, I know! Alice!!!!! We can tell her the mall burned down!!!!!

Eragon: Oh, yeah, baby!!!!

Emmett: *Dials number *

Alice: Hi, you've reached the Fortune-Telling Hotline!!! Please hold while we check your future…

Emmett: *Stares at phone * Holy crap.

Alice: You're future has been determined. A partner-in-crime is headed your way…  
Emmett: Holy. Crap.

Alice: In 5, 4, 3, 2…

*Doorbell rings *

Alice: …1

Emmett: _Holy crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Alice: Emmett, open the door.

Emmett: They know my name!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Eragon: I'll get the door… *Opens it * Hey Alice!

Emmett: *Sits on floor, rocking back and forth, and whispering: * They know my name, they know who I am, they know where I live…I'm gonna die.

Alice: Emmett.

Emmett: No. Emmett's not here. Leave a message at the tone. _Beeeeeeep_.

Alice: *Shrugs * Fine. Emmett? It's Alice. They don't know who you are. Well, they don't actually exist…You called my phone, and I saw that ahead of time, so I pranked you. The Fortune-Telling Hotline doesn't exist…But, on second thought…It _could…_

Emmett: Oh. Really?

Eragon: *Rolls eyes * Yeah.

Alice: So. You need help. I saw some of the stuff you were gonna tell people. I don't like it. It's not funny enough.

Eragon: Wait, so you're just butting in?

Alice: *Raises eyebrows * You got a problem with that?

Eragon: Well, no…

Emmett: Fine. You can help, Alice.

Alice: *Jumps up and down in glee, clapping hands * Yay!!!!!!!!!

Emmett: Okay, who next?

Eragon: Arya.

Emmett: Your girlfriend?

Eragon: She's not my girlfriend!!!!!!

Alice: I have a bad feeling about where this is going…

Emmett: Oh, Alice, shut up, ok? We'll let you help, but we're the bosses, ok?

Alice: Fine. *Rolls eyes * Whatever.

Eragon: *Grabs phone, dials number *

Arya: Hello?

Eragon: *In creepy voice * This is your secret admirer…

Arya: Eragon, stop it. You know I don't love you, like you, or am otherwise attached to you. You are a dragon-rider, but that doesn't mean I want to marry you.

Eragon: But…

Arya: You heard me. *Hangs up phone *

Emmett: Ouch.

Alice: No kidding. That's why you need _my_ help.

Eragon: *Looks all sad *

Alice: Don't worry, she'll apologize soon.

Emmett: Okay, who's next? Hmmm…Ooh!!!! Carlisle!!!

Alice: We can pretend to be the hospital. We'll tell him we've found a replacement for him, and he's been laid off.

Emmett: *Starts to laugh * Heck yes!!!!!

Alice: *Grins evilly * I'll do this one *Dials number in phone *

Carlisle: Hello?

Alice: Dr. Cullen?

Carlisle: Yes, that would be me.

Alice: I'm sorry to inform you that we have found a replacement for your position at the Forks Hospital. We will no longer be requiring your services.

Carlisle: What?! But I've been working there for years! I'm your best surgeon!!!

Alice: *hangs up phone, laughing * Hahahaha!!!!! Got him.

Eragon: When are you going to tell him the truth?

Emmett: We won't.

Alice: He'll call the hospital, and then they'll reassure him that they would never fire him, and he'll know it was us messing with him.

Emmett: Who next?

Eragon: Murtagh.

Alice: Hahahaha!!!!!!!! This is gonna be great!!!!!!

Eragon: Oh…right. You can see the future.

Alice: You only just remembered?

Eragon: Well…

Emmett: What are we gonna say?

Alice: Emmett, you should call him…tell him that he's going to get picked up by a huge dragon and taken to the dragon's mountain.

Emmett: Wow, you have some weird ideas.

Alice: *Shrugs * Well, sometimes you get these feelings…**(A/N I'm just sticking in some stuff that's gonna be in the other fanfic…even though the other one isn't going to have Twilight in it *gasp! *, it's gonna have Eragon, so I thought I'd connect the two for fun. Don't expect Twilight characters in the other one though.**

Eragon: Ok, I guess that'll work.

Alice: Of course it will. I know these things. *Nods confidently *

Emmett: *Picks up phone and dials number *

Murtagh: Hello? **(A/N Ok, I know I'm doing a lot of these, but I need to clarify something…Murtagh is not with Galbatorix right now. He doesn't have a dragon yet either.**

Emmett: Hi! I just wanted to let you know that…

Alice: *Making frantic hand motions at him *

Emmett: Oh, right! You're gonna be abducted by aliens and carried off to a mountain… *smiles * And there, you'll be locked up in the tallest room in the highest tower…I mean, the _highest_ room in the _tallest_ tower.

Murtagh: What?

Emmett: You did hear me, right?

Murtagh: Yeah…I _think_. You said I would be abducted by aliens? What the heck? Who are you? How do you know my number?

Emmett: *Hangs up phone, grinning * How was that, Alice?

Alice: Well, not exactly what I told you to say, but I'd say that did the trick. *Smiles *

Eragon: Ok, who next?

Emmett: Hmmm…Esme!!!

Alice: *Grins widely * Yesssss!!!

Eragon: Ok, what do we tell her?

Emmett: That Jasper ate Bella.

Alice: No no no!!! That Isle Esme was completely wrecked by a tsunami. And now it is returning underwater.

Emmett: That's a great idea!!!!

Eragon: Ok, who's telling her?  
Alice and Emmett: *Both look at Eragon *

Eragon: Me?

Emmett: *Nods * Mhmm!!!

Eragon: Ok… *Grabs phone from Emmett and dials number *

Esme: Hello!

Eragon: Hello, ma'am?

Esme: Mhm?

Eragon: I don't know how to break this to you kindly…

Esme: What? Did Jasper eat Bella?!?!?!

Eragon: Um, no…Isle Esme has been struck by a tsunami…it is no longer there.

Esme: *Gasp! Thud *

Emmett: Did she just faint?

Alice: That's impossible.

Eragon: Hello? Ma'am?

Emmett: She fainted.

Alice: But that's impossible!

Eragon: *Hangs up phone * Well, that got a good response.

Emmett: Yeah, the first vampire in _history_ to faint. Eragon, my friend, you've set a record. Only person to cause a vampire to faint. Hi-five!!! *Hi-fives Eragon *

Eragon: Ouch!!!!!!!

Alice: Emmett, don't hit humans so hard.

Emmett: Oh, right…sorry, Eragon.

Eragon: It's all right…oh, man, my poor hand.

Emmett: Now who?

Alice: Hmmm…

Eragon: King Galbatorix!!!!!!!!!!

Emmett: Oh, yeah, baby!!!!!!

Alice: You guys are so weird. And you have death wishes. But since I'm here, it should be fine…Lemme check…yeah, we'll be fine.

Emmett: Woohoo!!!!!!!!

Eragon: Ok, who's gonna talk to him?

Alice: Emmett should. That would be funniest, I think.

Emmett: Uh-huh!!!!! Oh, yeah! All right!!!! Woohoo!!!! *Dancing around randomly *

Alice: *Raises eyebrows * Emmett. Earth to Emmett.

Emmett: Houston, we have a problem.

Alice: What is it?

Emmett: I dunno, what's your problem?

Alice: Really? Emmett, come on. I mean, really??? *Rolls eyes * Don't you want to call the king?

Emmett: Oh, yeah! Right! Ok, where's that darn phone?

Eragon: Here it is!

Emmett: Ok, what am I gonna say, Eragon?

Eragon: Hmmm…say that you're his secret admirer…that will probably work better than it did with Arya… *Blushes * Man, that sucked.

Alice: That will work…and Eragon, like I said before, don't worry about it.

Emmett: Woohoo! *In sing-song voice * I get to call a king, I get to call a king…wait, I get to _prank_ call a king!!!!!!

Alice: *Rolls eyes again * Geez, Em, come on, call him already, then.

Emmett: *Dials number *

Galbatorix: Yes?

Emmett: Hi!!!!!!

Galbatorix: Yes???

Emmett: Hi!!!!!!

Galbatorix: YES???????

Emmett: Hi!!!!!! Don't hang up!!!!

Galbatorix: Why not?

Emmett: I'm your secret admirer!!!!!

Galbatorix: Really? Er, I mean, I have many of those.

Emmett: But I'm your _biggest fan!!!!!!!!!_

Galbatorix: That's what they _all_ say.

Emmett: But I seriously am!!!!!! I love your style!!!!!

Galbatorix: You do?

Emmett: Heck yes!!!!!!!

Galbatorix: That's so nice of you!

Emmett: I know, right? I'm a very nice person. I think you're amazing.

Galbatorix: Thank you!!!!

Emmett: And you know what else?

Galatorix: What?

Emmett: You have the most amazing eyes.

Galbatorix: Well, thank you!!!

Emmett: Yeah, and your hair is to _die for_!!!!!!!

Galbatorix: Umm…I don't really have any…

Emmett: Exactly!!!!! It's awesome!!!! Only really manly people can pull off baldness the way you do!!!!!!!!

Galbatorix: Well, I'm flattered…

Emmett: You should be!!!!! There's not many people who can boss around an army the way you do, either.

Galbatorix: Well, you see, _that, _I've had a lot of practice in.

Emmett: And I've had a lot of practice in lying. April fools!!!!!

Galbatorix: Wait— *phone hangs up *

Emmett: *Cracks up hysterically * Man, he totally fell for it!!!!!!!!

Alice: *Between giggles * That was awesome!!!!!

Eragon: *Rolling around on floor, holding stomach * Oh, man, that was so great!!!!!!

Emmett: I know, right? April fools!!!!!!

Alice: *After a little while of laughing * Okay, we need to calm down…Bella and Edward are coming in a few minutes, and we still need to prank them some other time.

Emmett: Ok. *Tries to stop laughing *

Eragon: Yeah. *Tries as well *

Bella and Edward walk in the door.

Edward: What are you guys laughing at?

Alice: Nothing, nothing, go upstairs and do whatever it is you guys do.

Emmett: *Having trouble keeping in his laughter *

Edward and Bella go upstairs

Eragon: *Snorts *  
Emmett and Eragon: *Laugh hysterically again *

A/N Ok, so I hope that was worth the wait!!!!! Review please!!!!!

**Reviews = Virtual Milkshakes**


	8. Chapter 8

**Shoutout to Lisa—you rock my world!!!!!!!! Thank you sooo much for the reviews! Keeps me motivated to write more!!!!!**

**Take 10**

Yay!!!!! I reached number 10!!! I'm proud of myself. *Pats self on back *

**Ok, more prank calls**

*Three days later, Emmett, Alice, and Eragon are alone once more *

Emmett: I'm bored.

Alice: *Reading a fashion magazine * Sucks for you, dude.

Emmett: But I'm boooorrrrrreeeeeedddddd!!!!!!!!!

Eragon: We could prank call people again!

Alice: That's a good idea!!!!!

Emmett: Yay!!!! Fun!!!!!!!

Eragon: Ok, where's the phone?

Alice: *Holds it up * Got it!!!!

Emmett: Give it to me!!!!

Alice: No, it's Eragon's turn first.

Eragon: Who should I call?

Alice: You should call Edward.

Emmett: Tell _him_ that Jasper ate Bella.

Alice: No!!!! Not a good idea!!!!! You know what happened _last_ time he thought she had almost gotten eaten.

Emmett: True…it was funny though.

Alice: It sure as heck wasn't.

Eragon: What happened?

Emmett: We moved away, and Edward was depressed.

Alice: And then he almost committed suicide.

Eragon: Vampires can do that?!

Alice: They sure can…I get the feeling we've had a similar conversation in the past…

Emmett: Ok, tell him his Volvo exploded. They just i.d.'d it at the junk yard.

Alice: Hahahaha!!!!!!! Good one!!!!!!!

Eragon: Ok, sounds good!

Alice: *Grins *

Eragon: *Dials number *

Edward: Hello. Edward Cullen speaking.

Eragon: Hi, Sir, we just identified your car…it appears to have been in a wreck…

Edward: A _wreck?????????_

Eragon: Well, actually, it _looks_ like a terrorist hijacked it and attempted a suicide bombing in it.

Edward: *Gasp, thud *

Emmett: Well, Eragon, that's the second vampire you've floored. I've got to hand it to you, you are an excellent bear of bad news,

Alice: Emmett, it's a _bearer_ of bad news, not a _bear_. You have such a one track mind.

Emmett: Whatever. I thought it was bear. It makes more sense.

Eragon: *Hangs up phone * Wow. Craziness.

Alice: Yeah, seriously. Ok, who's next?

Emmett: Hmmm…

Eragon: Hmmm…

Alice: Bella!!!!!

Emmett: Where?

Eragon: Retard, she means we have to call Bella.

Emmett: I knew that.

Eragon: Then why did you ask where she was?

Emmett: To make sure you knew what was going on! Gosh!

Alice: Alright, whatever, Em. Come on, who's gonna call the human?

Eragon: Hey! No racism!

Alice: I'm not being racist; I'm whiter than she is. And she looks like an albino.

Emmett: Lalalalalala!!!!!! *Dances in a random circle *

Alice: Emmett's bored again.

Eragon: Yeah, no kidding. Emmett, you wanna call next?

Emmett: Yes yes yes!!!!!!!! Gimme the phone!!!!! What should I say?

Alice: That Edward committed suicide.

Eragon: That's harsh…

Alice: True…we don't want to give her a heart attack…and it wouldn't be hard to make _her_ faint…

Emmett: I'll tell her that Jacob will imprint on her daughter.

Alice: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Like that'd ever happen.

Emmett: I'll do it. *Dials number *

Bella: Hello!

Emmett: Guess what.

Bella: Who is this?

Emmett: MEEEEEE!!!!!!! Your favorite werewolf friend will imprint on your daughter!!!!!!

Bella: What the he—

Emmett: *Hangs up * Done!!!!!

Alice: Weeellllll….

Eragon: That was, er, nicely handled?

Alice: Sure! Very, very nicely…

Eragon: Yeah, um, that was pretty pathetic.

Alice: Yeah, that's for sure.

Emmett: B-b-b-but…oh, well. Who next?

Alice: Emmett, I think we need to work on some technique.

Emmett: You didn't like it? I thought I handled it superbly.

Eragon: Not really. We should prank her again sometime though! We can think of something better...

Alice: Now Jasper!!!!

Emmett: Yeah!!!!!

Alice: Eragon, you'll have to call him. He'll recognize our voices.

Eragon: Ok…what should I say?

Alice: Hmmmmm…that the police are after him because of all the times he's threatened to eat Bella…and the times that he _did_ actually eat her…attempted murder doesn't go over real well with the police.

Eragon: Ok, sounds good…good thing Emmett and I had that thing with the police…

Emmett: Yeah, that was great!!!! Good times, good times. Good training for you to know what they're like.

Alice: *Narrows eyes * What thing with the police?

Emmett: Oh, nothing. Just a little…

Eragon: Misunderstanding.

Emmett: Yeah!

Alice: Huh. Well, I'm not gonna push it. I'll just have to ask Edward!

Emmett: Ok, call Jazzy!!!!!

Eragon: Ok! *Dials number *

Jasper: Hello.

Eragon: Hello, is this Mr…

Alice: *Whispers * Hale.

Eragon: Hale?

Jasper: Um, yeah…why?

Eragon: This is the police.

Jasper: Oh crap.

Eragon: Where were you on the afternoon of…

Alice: *Whispers * May 22nd.

Eragon: May 22nd?

Jasper: Uhh…I don't' know! *Voice gets panicky *

Eragon: Well, I might have to bring you in for questioning…

Jasper: No!!! I can explain!!!!!

Eragon: Are you admitting you committed the crime?

Jasper: No!!! I don't even know what you're talking about!!!!

Eragon: You attempted to eat the victim…and succeeded at one point!!!

Jasper: I swear, I didn't do it on purpose!!!!! It was an accident!!!! And she's not dead!!!!!

Eragon: Yeah, that's what they all say. I'll get back to you. *Hangs up phone *

Alice: *Bursts out in laughter * Oh geez!!!!!!! Poor Jasper!!!!!

Emmett: Jazzy-boy was so freaked!!!!!!!

Eragon: *Cracking up * That was great!!!!

Alice: Ok, do we want to do more? Or just wait till another day?

Emmett: I think we should have a dance-off.

Alice: Oh geez. We have to watch you dance?

Eragon: Crud.

Emmett: Heck yes!!!!!!

Alice: Emmett, you _are_ aware Rose isn't here to see this, right?

Emmett: Duh! You don't even look like her!!!

Eragon: Not at all…

Emmett: Ok, who wants to go first? Alice?

Alice: Nuh-uh. No way, Jose.

Eragon: Jose?

Emmett: I didn't teach you that one, did I? Oops. But anyway, then I guess, Eragon? You wanna start?

Eragon: Haha, um, no.

Emmett: Fine! I'll start! *Starts dancing crazily *

Alice: Oh, gosh. Close your eyes, Eragon, before he starts the really weird stuff.

Eragon: They're already closed.

Emmett: You guys are so mean.

Alice: We try.

**Ok, how was that? Pretty fast updating, huh? I'm gonna give shoutouts to the people who review…maybe some encouragement. Lemme tell ya, reviews are good for the soul. And great for helping to overcome writer's block.**

**Review = Virtual amazingness + a Shoutout**


	9. Chapter 9

Take 11

**So only a few people read my last chapter…I feel sad. So come on people. If you like it, recommend it to your friends, your classmates, your mailman…ok, maybe not the mailman, but you get the picture. Read and review!!! I'll give you a shoutout if you do!!!!!**

**If you have any ideas for future chapters, let me know…I always appreciate more ideas!**

**Thanks, Lisa, for the constant encouragement…love ya, girl!** **You rock my world. Now you just need to get an account so you can subscribe…**

Ok, continuing with the madness (and btw, I really do love Emmett, but he is so much fun to make fun of)

**Take 12**

**Emmett has introduced Eragon to the world of media…music, TV, and the like…especially music. Emmett + Eragon + iPod = craziness. Yeah, fosho. May I suggest you look up the songs as they hit them? Might add to the funniness. I'll have a list of the songs I mention at the bottom. Oh, there will possibly be a debate on music genres… **

Emmett: Womanizer, womanizer, you're a womanizer…

Rosalie: Emmett!!!!! : I _told_ you I don't like it when you listen to Britney Spears!!!

Emmett: Oops, I did it again…

Rosalie: I'm serious!!!!!!! It makes you sound gay, not to mention retarded.

Eragon: Oooh, burn!

Emmett: Shut up, Eragon.

Eragon: Let me see the iPod!!!

Emmett: Ok, here ya go. *Hands iPod to Eragon *

Eragon: *Scrolls through artists * Dude, you have so much music!

Emmett: Well, when you have unlimited money like I do…

Jasper: And like to get all the free songs off iTunes just for the heck of it.

Emmett: You end up with tons of music. *Glares at Jasper for sharing his secret *

Eragon: Haha, so you have a bunch of random crap on here, huh?

Emmett: It's not crap. It is mine, therefore it is not crap. Holy crap!

Eragon: It's holy crap?

Emmett: No, I just thought of something!!!!

Eragon: What?

Emmett: We should sing along with the songs till it bugs the crap out of everyone!!!!!!

Eragon: Ok, sounds good!!!!! Who sings first?

Emmett: We trade off lines. What song should we sing first?

Eragon: *Shuffles through songs * Hmm…how about…

Emmett: Pick a really good one!!!

Eragon: An Owl City one!!!

Emmett: Yeah!!!!! We should do Dental Care!!!!

Eragon: Okay, here it is!!!

Emmett: Yes!!!!

Eragon: Okay, I'll start.

Emmett: Let's go where everyone else is!

*They run into the living room where Carlisle, is watching TV, Esme and Rosalie are reading, Alice is looking through a fashion magazine, Edward is sitting there, grinning while listening to everyone's thoughts, and Jasper is at the computer *

Emmett: I brush my teeth and look in the mirror!

Eragon: And laugh out loud as I'm beaming from ear to ear!

Emmett: I'd rather pick flowers instead of fights!…wait, that sounded _gay!!!!!_

Eragon: *Trying not to laugh * And rather than flaunt my style, I'd flash you a smile

Emmett: Of clean pearly whites!!!!!

Edward: You guys are beyond weird.

Alice: No kidding.

Emmett: Regroup!!!

Eragon: Roger!

*They run to Emmett's room *

Emmett: We need a less gay song.

Eragon: We need to have a playlist, so we can change the song and sing with the next one.

Emmett: But we can't just sing the whole thing…we should just take lyrics out of the song, and sing them when they fit in the conversation…but not gay-sounding ones.

Eragon: That's a great idea. Let's pick some songs…

*They sit hunched over Emmett's laptop, looking through his iTunes *

Eragon: That one!

Emmett: Yeah! How about this one?

Eragon: Eh, nah.

Emmett: This one!

Eragon: Yeah!!!!!

*They pick a bunch of songs to mess with * **(A/N song list at the bottom of the chapter)** *Then they run downstairs with their arsenal *

Jasper: Check this out! The Prime Minister of *Insert random foreign country here *just committed suicide!

Emmett: *Sings * I scream into the night for you, Don't make it true, don't jump. The lights will not guide you through. They're deceiving you, don't jump.

Eragon: *Sings * Come and rescue me, I'm burning, can't you see. Come and rescue me. Only you can set me free. Come and rescue me.

Jasper: Um, alrighty then…

Edward: Esme, what book is that?

Esme: Erm, Percy Jackson and the Olympians…

Carlisle: Really? Is it any good?  
Esme: Yes…Quite, actually.

Edward: Hehe! *Chuckles to himself *

Jasper: What is it, Edward?

Edward: Oh, just Emmett and Eragon.

Jasper: Oh, I don't think I wanna know, then.

Edward: No, probably not…

Alice: Oh my gosh! Rosalie, look at this _adorable_ dress!!! Wouldn't it look amazing with those new flats you bought?

Rosalie: Oh, yeah! It's so perfect! I have to buy it!!!

Alice: We need to order it today! I just love fashion.

Emmett: *Sings * And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

Eragon: *Sings * I'll do whatever it takes…

Alice: To buy this dress. Come on, Rose, let's go order it. *Grabs Rosalie's hand to drag her away from the madness *

Edward: You guys are insane.

Jasper: Here comes Bella.

Edward: How do you know?

Jasper: If her emotions were any more obnoxious right now, I'd go emo. Except for the fact that I couldn't be a dead music genre…

Emmett: Emo's not dead, silly! My Chemical Romance is alive! More alive than _you_.

Jasper: But that's not real emo. Go get a Hot Cross song. Or Moss Icon. Or look up Sunny Day Real Estate. They're post-emo.

Emmett: I refuse to believe that.

Jasper: Whatever. Doesn't really matter. Just trying to educate you.

Edward: Come on, Jaz, this is Emmett we're talking about. He is un-educatable.

Jasper: True. Well, so what else do you guys have up your sleeves?

Eragon: Well, we could sing the Blood On The Dance Floor song…

Jasper: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! That is the most obscene music I have ever heard of in my life.

Emmett: You mean you're never heard of…

Edward: Shut up. We don't need to know. **(A/N So I've never actually heard BOTDF, but I read some of the lyrics once…yeah, and you thought **_**rap**_** was obscene. Haha, I wouldn't suggest looking up BOTDF)**

Eragon: Ok, so what should we do, Emmett?

Emmett: Regroup!!!

*They run back up to Emmett's room *

Emmett: Okay, here's what I'm thinking: We do a concert!!!!!

Eragon: Yeah!!! And we can dress up!!! Like you could dress up as Britney Spears or Shakira or someone!!!!!

Emmett: Inspiration has struck in the form of Eragon!!!!!

Eragon: Glad I could be of service.

**Ok, so sorry it's short, but I figured this was a good place to end it. Give me ideas for the next chapter!!! I can guarantee it'll be funny, but I need some ingenious new brainwaves.**

**Just click the little button…you know the one…the one that says Review. Reviews = Virtual Deliciousness + a shoutout in the next chapter. Seriously, Lisa's always by herself in the wonderful land of reviewing immortality.**


	10. Chapter 10

Sheesh. It's been like forever since I've updated…sorry! Please don't hurt me! School's out, so Hallelujah! Haha, but yeah, I've kinda been working on some other ones…gonna make a new one, but I think I want the first few chapters written before I publish it, so we don't get this problem. Sound like a plan? I'll stop babbling now.

**Oh, right…I forgot the song list in the last chapter…haha oops. My bad. The first one was (obviously) Womanizer by Britney Spears. The second one was Dental Care by Owl City. Then, Don't Jump by Tokio Hotel (my new best friend), and then Rescue Me by Tokio Hotel. Then Tip of the Iceberg by Owl City.** **Obviously, you can tell what I was listening to**

**And now, on with the madness**.

Emmett: Okay, here's the deal, everyone!

Carlisle: Oy vey.

Emmett: What? Oh, never mind…you'll probably just go into a loooooong explanation, and then we'll NEVER get around to my announcement.

Edward: Okay, what is it, Emmett?

Emmett: *Pauses dramatically, then looks around in disgust * I already told you what it is.

Edward: Oh, right. The _concert._ Geez.

Eragon: Exactly! Emmett, what song are you going to do?

Emmett: I don't know! A really good one!

Jasper: Do we really have to do this?

Alice: Yes! I want to see you sing and perform!

Jasper: *Groans * Crap.

Bella: *Giggles * That's gonna be funny.

Emmett: You need to join too, Bella.

Bella: Crap.

Jasper: *Laughs *

Emmett: *Laughs too * It's gonna be fun!

Esme: Do I need to join?

Emmett: Duh! Everyone does!

Rosalie: Hmm.

Emmett: What?

Rosalie: Me too?

Eragon: Duh!

Rosalie: Hmph.

Emmett: *Laughs again * Don't worry, sugar-buns, I'll help you!

Rosalie: I don't need any help!

Emmett: Fine then!

Eragon: So we should get to work, then, huh, guys?

Edward: *Rolls eyes * I suppose…

Alice: Don't worry, this will be FUN!

Edward: And possibly mentally and emotionally scarring.

Emmett: Don't be such a drama queen!

Bella: He's not being a drama queen!

Emmett: Is too.

Bella: Is not!

Emmett: IS TOO!

Bella: IS NOT!

Emmett: _IS TOO!_

Bella: _IS NOT!_

Emmett: What were we arguing about again?

Bella: I win.

Emmett: Not fair! _I_ win!

Bella: Don't think so. You forfeited.

Emmett: I did not! Wait, what's forfeit?

Jasper: Seriously?

Emmett: No, I know it has to do with numbers and counting, and just how strong and buff you are.

Eragon: Dude, what the heck?

Emmett: You know, the number four, and fit?

Eragon: Geez.

Edward: Aren't you tired of him yet?

Eragon: Surprisingly, no.

Carlisle: It will come in time.

Eragon: Oh! You know who we should get to judge it?

Jasper: Judge what?

Emmett: The concert! You mean, make it like American Idol, but more like Vampire Idol?

Eragon: Sure! I have no idea what American Idol is, but sure!

Emmett: Sweet! And who should judge it?

Eragon: My half-brother and awesome friend, Murtagh!

Emmett: Awesome!

Carlisle: Well, there were four judges on American Idol last season…and for the most part, before that it was three. Who else will judge?

Edward: The werewolves.

Bella: The _WHAT?_

Edward: Oh, right, she didn't know that yet, did she?

Jasper:*Eats Bella *

Edward: Dude, what the heck?

Alice: Bad Jasper. Spit her back out. Or I'll make you sing "Man, I Feel Like a Woman", and we're inviting Peter and Charlotte.

Jasper: Crap. *Spits Bella back out *

Alice: *Pats Jasper's head * Good Jasper.

Emmett: So are we gonna get organized?

Alice: I can do it!

Emmett: Yes!

Bella: Crap.

Jasper: Yeah, no kidding.

Alice: Oh, just shut up. You know the stuff I organize always ends up perfect.

Bella: Over the top, you mean.

Edward: Oh, please stop arguing. Who's calling the pack?

Emmett: You are, duh!

Edward: Why me?

Emmett: Because Seth and Jacob are like your bffs!

Edward: What's bff?

Bella: *Rolls eyes * Best friends forever, Edward.

Emmett: Yeah, Eddie-boy!

Edward: Don't call me that. And the wolves are not my best friends forever, _and why do I have to call them?_

Emmett: Cuz I said so.

Edward: Fine! Whatever! I'll go do that now, then. Goodness gracious.

Bella: *Once Edward has left * He did _not_ just say "goodness gracious" did he?

Emmett: Yup, he did! Yup yup yup!

Eragon: Geez.

Jasper: Still not tired of him?

Eragon: No, not really.

Emmett: Ok, Eragon, you call Murtagh!

Eragon: Ok, will do. *Leaves room to call Murtagh where it's quiet *

Emmett: Ok, now how are we gonna pick the songs?

Bella: How about we all pick our own?

Jasper: I like that idea!

Alice: That's _only_ cuz you don't wanna sing "Man, I Feel Like a Woman".

Jasper: Well, yeah, obviously.

Emmett: But it would be so _funny_!

Jasper: Well, that sucks for you then, doesn't it?

Emmett: You're no fun. *Pouts *

Alice: Ok, so we all pick our own, right?

Emmett: *Still pouting * Fine.

Murtagh: *Whispering * What do I do?

Eragon: *Shows him what to do silently *

Murtagh: *Nods and whispers * Ok, thanks. *Into microphone * Welcome to Vampire (and one measly human) Idol!

Emmett: *Whispering to others next to him * I made up the opening speech!

Bella: *Rolls eyes *

Seth: Ok, first up, we have Carlisle, singing "If You Love a Woman".

Emmett: *Covers mouth with hand and giggles *

Esme: Awww!

Carlisle: *Walks up on stage * **(A/N Don't ask where the stage came from…Alice organized it all)**

Everyone: *Cheers *

Carlisle: *Starts to sing, and does really well * **(A/N Sorry, didn't really wanna go into detail on the people…er, **_**vamps**_**…that aren't as funny)**

Everyone: *Cheers again *

Jacob: Ok, here's what I thought. I thought you nailed it, cuz I mean, you really _felt_ the song, and that's when people are gonna like it. So I liked it. Dog.

Murtagh: Yeah, it coulda been more sped up for me. Good job, but the arrangement coulda been better.

Seth: That was pretty…weird.

Carlisle: Thank you. *Leaves stage *

Emmett: Well, I'm gonna rock everyone's socks off.

Jacob: Ok, now it's Alice's turn!

Alice: Yay! *Skips up onto stage *

Everyone: *Cheers some more *

Alice: *Starts to sing "I'll Try" by Jonatha Brooke *

Jasper: *Cheers as she sings *

Emmett: *Elbows Jasper * Shut up! I'm trying to listen! Geez. Cow.

Eragon: Haha!

Jasper: It's not _that_ funny.

Emmett: Yeah, it is!

Bella: *Glares at Emmett *

Emmett: *Glares back, but shuts up *

Alice: *Finishing. Smiles *

Everyone: *Cheers *

Jacob: Dude, that was awesome.

Murtagh: Sorry. Boring for me.

Seth: *Wipes eyes * Geez. That was awesome.

Alice: Yay! *Bounces up and down *

Seth: We'll get back to you after the break.

**A/N: Aaaaaaannnnnnnnnddddddddd? Did you like the song choices? I thought I'll Try was great for Alice…but what did **_**you**_** think? I guess that's what's important, huh? But yeah…I wasn't actually trying to make any of the "judges" seem like actual American Idol judges, but it was funny to make Jake say "dog" just because.**

**Review = Cupcakes**


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